The First Vacation

Thursday September 22nd at about 6:30pm she arrived. I waited for Sophea at the bus station for about an hour and a half. Did not mind the wait at all, was in my work clothes and a guy came by who wanted to shine my shoes. They were dirty due to the recent downpours, I figured, why not, I have the time anyway. First time I ever had my shoes shined, I have to say they look a lot nicer now. Returning to her arrival. I see the bus with Khmer writing on it. I catch the name of which I've forgotten already. The bus goes farther down the street than I anticipated. I walk briskly to where it stops. I receive a call on my phone and it's her. I go around the front of the bus and there she is, at the bus station calling me. Our eyes meet from across the bustling street. We both smile and laugh at the same time. I cross the street excitedly yet cautiously as the motos and taxis speed between me. When I reach her, I say សួស្តី​សោភា!​សុខសប្បាយទេ?​​ (Suasdey Sophea, sok sub bai te?) Hello Sophea, how are you? She responds, "Hello John, I'm good and you?" I reply, ខ្ញុំ​សុខសប្បាយអរគុណ។សោភា​ហត់ទេ? (Knyom sok sup bai, ah kuhn. Sophea hot te?) I'm well, thank you. Are you tired? She replies, "No, I'm okay." I ask her, "ចង់ទៅផ្ទះសំណាក់ជិះ​តាក់ស៊ីឬជិះ​ដើ? (Chong tov pteyah somnak ji taxi ru ji dae?) Do you want to go to the guesthouse by taxi or by walking? She answers, "I want to walk, really, I'm not tired." I grab her bag and we're off to our next 6 days together. In case you're wondering, she usually speaks English while I speak Khmer.

We arrive at the guesthouse, take showers, and get ready to go out to dinner. I take her to Rita cafe, a nice place that's not too far away. It has two floors, outdoor and indoor seating. We grab a seat outdoors on the second floor along a patio that parallels the moto infested road. Luckily, we have large trees that block most of the traffic noise. When we arrive, the staff speak Vietnamese to Sophea, she is clueless and I tell them, "Em ay khong la nguoi Viet." [Have yet to install Vietnamese unicode] (She is not Vietnamese) The staff are surprised and speak more Vietnamese to her to ensure I'm not lying or something. Then they understand that she has no idea what they are saying. We order carrot juice (a favorite of Sophea's) strawberry juice and two dishes, a noodle dish and a soup. We share them and enjoy about a 2 hour stay at Rita's. We go back around 9ish as I have work the next day. Upon returning to the guesthouse we brainstorm ideas of things Sophea can do while I'm at work. Museums, Ben Thanh Market, the park, and that's about all we can think of. I tell her she can use my moto which I'm still learning to drive. I draw a map for her to find the park that's about 5 blocks away. I give her a watch to keep track of time and ask her to be back at 5pm as I'll be getting home from work around 5:15pm. She says, "Okay, I'll be back at 7pm. (with a big smile)" Oh Sophea, she always makes me laugh.

The next morning I awake at 5:30am. I get ready for work, invite Sophea to go eat breakfast, but she says matter of factly, "If I get up now, I will have nothing to do, it's too early." She returns to her slumber while I grab breakfast and coffee. I return and go to work. Sophea is sound asleep as I close the door. At 8:15am, when my first class begins, I receive a phone call. I cannot call back until 9am. It turns out the owners of the guesthouse did not let Sophea borrow my motorbike because I did not tell them about it. I let them know it's okay, I did not see them awake when I left that morning so I was unable to tell them ahead of time.

5:15pm I arrive home, Sophea is laying down, watching TV. Which I thought did not work, but apparently it does. I ask her about her day. Turns out she went to the park and she went to Ben Thanh Market. She bought two shirts one for herself, one for me, and a few items for family. She spent most of her day talking to people in the park. Much like when I had my wonderful conversation in the park. Though she says, hers was more entertaining and she talked to many people, not just one. She also helped them with their English. Luckily, Sophea wasn't bored while I was at work. She also happened to buy fruit, mangosteens, which I love and have not had since I've been here. We both take showers and prepare for our night out. We are going to a restaurant along the Saigon river, called The Deck.

After about a 45 minute taxi ride and getting lost a few times, we find the place. We sit alongside the river and enjoy Tomato Crab Salad, Caramelized Salmon Infused with Galangal, Pan Fried Duck Breast with Mango Salsa, and a bottle of  Le Merlot de la Chapelle. We talk through the night, taking in the beautiful ambiance and riverside scenery. Laughing throughout and exchanging many new words, it was the perfect way to spend our first real night together in Vietnam without any worries for the next day. The staff were also very friendly and seemed to be intrigued by our interactions. The staff once again, were surprised when they learned Sophea was not Vietnamese. Sophea began the guessing game. The waiter said, "Chinese, Korean, Singaporean, and lastly, Cambodian." The waiter also asserted that I was her husband, adding to what would be our continued misinterpretation of who and what we both are.

We head home after dinner as we decide it's better to go to bed earlier rather than later. Dancing at a club was considered, but the next day we had to hop on the bus at 8am to get to Mui Ne, a beach town northeast of Saigon, about 5 hours away. The next three days we would spend in Mui Ne, which I will continue to write about at another time....need to get some work done before it's bedtime.

On being a White Man in Vietnam

Marijuana? Boom Boom? Heroin? Cocaine? Massa? Any vice of choice? Yes, you’ll be offered all of them on a regular basis, nightly if you walk down Pham Ngu Lao or Bui Vien streets. Sit at a restaurant on one of these streets, chances are you’ll have a Vietnamese woman sit next to you, talk to you for a bit and ask for you to buy her a drink if you haven’t already. Stick for a while and you can take her home if you choose. Tell them you’re a teacher and their eyes light up as if they just found GOLD. You’ll be told they just want to have fun, make money, have a good life, have a good time, no problems. They have marriage in the back of their mind.

There also are the genuine, good waitresses who will serve you and that’s it, or if you attempt to speak Vietnamese they will happily assist in teaching you the language for a short time. These are the ones that are worth the time spent and money spent for that over-priced dinner. They won’t ask for a drink and they won’t sit with you for a long time and make you feel wrong because everyone around you is thinking you’re going to take them home for the night and that night only.

The privilege this is, as most people see it, is more of a nuisance than anything to me. Today I grabbed a sandwich and decided to eat it in the park. I wanted to enjoy the sandwich and get some fresh air in this urban sprawl of tall buildings and moto fumes. I sit down and not a second before I can relax I’m approached by a Vietnamese guy who wants to practice his English. I don’t mind and agree to have him sit next to me. We begin talking and at first he seems like a good guy as he says he’s studied Spanish, Japanese, and English. He tells me how he studied all of these languages so he could get a good job and make a lot of money. Everything for the money. I tell him how I studied Spanish and Khmer. Surprised at my Khmer, he thinks I’ve wasted an investment in my language study because I studied Khmer. Apparently I was supposed to study Chinese so I could find a job with a rich business, become a director and be rich. Honestly, I break it down for him, that’s not my intention and I do indeed see my studying of Khmer as an investment in my future. Sure, it may not be entirely for maximizing my economic aspirations, but rather for the experience and for finding a job that I truly hope to enjoy. He seems confused why this American guy who can have anything he wants back at home simply doesn’t want it. He changes subjects to his view of American relationships. His sources of information are other Vietnamese people, television, internet, and other foreigners here in Saigon. He asks questions such as, how does an American husband get away with cheating on his wife every weekend? How are American women single at 35? Does he have a chance with a foreign woman here? Why do they not like it when he stares at them if he thinks they’re beautiful? Can you tell me about your experience in flirting with women? How can I study, work, and have a relationship with a woman? If a woman doesn’t spend all of her time with me and doesn’t ask me where I’m going when I’m not with her, how does she know I’m not cheating on her?

To answer all of these, I had to point to his sources of information and point to the fact that not everyone’s life is the way he sees it. Not every husband in America cheats on his wife, and I think (and hope) that is a very small minority. I tell him he has a chance with a foreign woman if he tries, you never truly know until you put it to the test. I tell him women are single at 35 because they either don’t want to get married or have yet to find the right man. I also inform him of being discreet with his staring, limit it to a few glances. I tell him I have no experience of flirting with women as I’m dying to get out of this ludicrous situation. My view on a positive relationship is that if I want to go out with friends for a night or two, or just need time to study, the girlfriend should be willing to understand and ask a few questions if she wishes, regarding my plans for the night but that she should not continuously bother me while I’m with my friends. This demands a level of trust that he sees allows too much freedom for people to cheat on each other. Soon after he tells me of the jealousy he has of White Men, how we can go out with a woman for a night and that’s it. He wants this, he wants the lustful experience of just one night. Specifically, he wants an older woman, but ALL Vietnamese women are married at this age and so the only way that would be possible is if they cheated on their husbands. This would take months of flirting at the workplace and he cannot foresee such strenuous and tedious work to take place. Luckily I receive a phone call from my friend Dung pronounced “Yom” and he wants to meet so I can practice driving my moto. I inform Dao, my hour long English conversation guy, that it’s time to go.

Now yes, I agree, being a white man in Vietnam is certainly one of privilege. Monetarily wise everything is about 10 times cheaper than it is back at home. However, I do not for one second forget to supplement that I worked damn hard to get over here. Secondly, yes, it’s easy for a white man to have the company of a Vietnamese woman or to even find a girlfriend. This is where the problem lies I believe for this guy, minus his lustful desires. I asked him if it pisses him off when he sees white men with Vietnamese women. He of course said yes. Then we began to talk about how some people like to date certain types of people. Such as a friend of mine who prefers to only date Latinos. He gave me a hypothetical situation of a rich Vietnamese woman who only dates white men and expected me to explain why. My only justification was that it was a preference of hers, just that she finds them more attractive. I’m sure there could be other reasons that I am choosing not to delve into to avert animosity amongst readers. However, I turned it back to him, that say for example, there’s a really attractive Vietnamese girl but she will only date Vietnamese men, not a white man. This one made him think for a bit and I continued to explain how this possibility is one he may not see as often because every time he sees a Vietnamese couple together he won’t think anything of it, but if he sees a White and Vietnamese couple, then, this gets his attention. In the end, we were simply discussing relationships which always comes down to the individual choice I believe, along with certain encouragements of family members.

It probably is easier for me to get a Vietnamese girlfriend here if I wanted one. However, that is not why I’m here. Yes, the white skin affords particular assumptions of wealth, occupation, status, and opportunity. At the same time it breeds a growing discomfort, irritability, and mistrust amongst the people I meet. Take it as you please, but being offered massa, boom boom, and other vices are not what I look forward to at night.

A Weekend in Phnom Penh

Friday September 2nd was a holiday and so you all know what that means, a 3 day weekend in Cambodia! Yep, after enjoying an eventful first happy hour with coworkers on Thursday night, I caught a bus Friday morning to Phnom Penh. The theme of this weekend was Somnang សំណាង in Khmer. Which means 'lucky.' Returning to Friday morning, I look at my passport and see that I already bought a visa for when I went to Cambodia two weekends ago with Jules to Kampong Som, aka, Sihanoukville. I thought I got a business visa and that it was a multi-entry visa and thus I would not have to get a new visa this time. When I board the bus and the worker looks at my passport he asks me about my visa and shows me how it was a single entry visa. I only brought 500,000 dong, which is a little under $25 USD. Last time I paid $35 for what I thought was a business visa. So I'm worried and tell the worker about this issue, he didn't seem to care much or thought it wouldn't be that much of a problem. We get to the border crossing and all along the way I do my best to sleep and not think of the issue at hand because there's no point in worrying when there's nothing I can do about it. At the border crossing I have to fill out a visa entry form which is simple, but it asks for a passport photo which I do not have. I inform them, there's a sigh from the official, but I speak Khmer to him and he does not appear to be as bothered. They tell me the visa is $20, I give them all of my Dong, I get no change. At this point I did not mind because I was very afraid I would not get to cross into Cambodia. However, everything works out and I get into Cambodia. Somnang 1.

I get off the bus to a raid of tuk tuks. My tuk tuk driver's name is Cheng. He turns out to be incredibly useful and very nice. He's surprised at my Khmer and I tell him the name of the hotel I want to go to. We go to the hotel and along the way I tell him my history of studying Khmer and of the times I've been to Cambodia and so forth. Then we arrive to the hotel after I give him the downlow on myself and what I want to get accomplished for the day. So, before planning this weekend trip, I spoke to my good friend Sophea, who I met back in 2009 at a restaurant/bar near the guesthouse I stayed at in Phnom Penh while doing research. We have kept in touch ever since I left Cambodia in 2009 by phone and email. The plan for this weekend was to spend time with her, and her friend Borey who also used to work with her. During the week, I spoke with Sophea and she found me a fairly cheap hotel that was clean and also had a good location, near the river front of Tonle Bassac. Returning to my arrival at Super Star Hotel, I walk up to the workers and say "Suasdei, puakmak knyom prap--" (I'm cut off) សួស្តី!មិត្តខ្ញុំ​ប្រាប់.... 'hello! my friend told...' The worker says, "John?" I say baht បាទ​ 'yes.' Sophea made it super easy for me. Nothing more needed to be said. She also even paid the first night for me (though not to worry, this would be repaid in a hidden fashion). I get my key, go into my room, and it's clean, has a fan, a shower, everything that I need. Somnang 2.

I hop in the shower and meet with Cheng 30 minutes later. I need to get a dress shirt, some flowers, a haircut, and a sim card for my phone so I can call people in Cambodia. Cheng is the man to have for the mission. We have roughly 2.5 hours to get this done as Sophea told me before she would be free at 6pm and it's 3:30pm now. The first task is to get the sim card. Luckily Cheng reminds me to bring my Passport because otherwise I won't be able to purchase the sim card. We go nearby Lucky mall, which is a large 4 or 5 story indoor mall I believe and it has just about all of the western things one would want inside. We go to two phone stores outside, I get a sim card, put some money on it, and task 1 is completed. The next task is to find a dress shirt, I forgot to pack one. We go to psar O'Russei, the Russian market. I walk inside the maze of clothing stalls, looking for dress shirts. At first all I can find are tailors, they have some shirts made but they are all too tight. They tell me nobody has them, that I need to get out of the market and go to a store outside. Along the way I continue looking and see a shirt that caught my eye. I'm thinking even if this shirt doesn't fit that well, I will buy it anyway. However, I'm pleasantly surprised to see the shirt fits like a glove. I buy the shirt and find Cheng. It's haircut time. We drive quite a ways and pass a lot of salons. Cheng has my wallet in mind, he's finding me a cheap place. We go along a road that is parallel to a sewage drain, it's a bit smelly, but not that bad. We make it to the place and I walk in. It's all guys, a male barber shop. The barber tells me to sit down and seems intrigued to cut my hair. I think I was probably their first foreigner. The barber cuts my hair with precision, he takes his time to make sure he gets around the ears just right and keeps the top flat. His coworker stands by and watches with concern, critique, and intrigue. At the end I ask him to flatten out the back, he does so with a painter's touch. The haircut is complete, I pay him a dollar. Now, for the last task. Time to get some flowers. We go to a market nearby the hotel. I get a small bouqet of white flowers and I return to Cheng. Cheng disapproves, we return and add a pink rose in the middle, this time the bouqet looks much nicer. Now that Cheng and I are both pleased, he drops me off at the hotel and I pay him his well earned dues. We exchange phone numbers and Cheng wants to be the driver for any excursions I go on in the future. I go in the hotel and ask the worker if I can get my shirt ironed. I hop in the shower, get ready and the ironing was free. Somnang 3.

It's 7pm, Sophea called me earlier and told me she wouldn't be able to meet until 7pm. I hangout in my room and begin looking for things to do near Phnom Penh for the weekend. I hear a knock on the door. It's been two years since I've last seen her. I open the door, she hides on the side. She steps toward the doorway, surprised, ecstatic, simply happy is the expression bursting out of my face. I see the corners of her lips move and a smile on her face, a calm "Hello John" and a calming replication of "Hello Sophea, Sok sup bai te?" សុខសប្បាយទេ?​ How are you? From there, we head on over to Khmer Tlai, a nice restaurant that friends took me to in 2009. We get there and there are no other customers. Only us, it turns out there are two locations, this is the new one, and the original one is where all of the people are. I don't mind, but Sophea always enjoys having more people. We have conversations with the waiter and waitress, we laugh, and enjoy lok lak sach go, [for time purposes I won't type these in Khmer, need to go to sleep soon], tom yum soup, and vegetables with oyster sauce. Lok lak is seasoned beef cut into cubes with lettuce, onion and tomato, tom yum soup is a Thai soup with shrimp, squid, chili, lemongrass, cilantro and more. We can't finish the entire meal but it was delicious. Now it's time to go meet with Borey who just opened a restaurant together with her family.

It's their opening night and the customers they have are lively. I meet Borey's brother who speaks English really well with not much of an accent at all. I see Borey, we exchange hellos, and how are yous. I give her the gifts I brought her from San Diego, a shirt, hat and keychain, which I also gave to Sophea earlier, but they are different. We all share a beer together, but Borey is very busy, it being their first night and all. Sophea and I enjoy a beer and some light pickled cabbage and some vegetables. It's getting late and Sophea needs to get back to the hotel to grab her motorbike before the hotel closes. We leave and get back to the hotel.

The next day we decide to stay in Phnom Penh and not go anywhere far. I wake up earlier than Sophea, I grab breakfast along the riverfront, take a few pictures and return to my hotel. Sophea picks me up and the agenda for the day is bowling, swimming, a boat ride, and hopefully karaoke. First we go eat salad along the riverfront as Sophea did not yet have breakfast. We then go bowling which Sophea hasn't done for 10 years. I help remind her how to play and she even beats me the first game. The second game I win. We make a deal, who wins the most games gets a prize at the other's expense. The competition becomes fierce. The third game, fatigue is getting to Sophea, I get a strike and some spares. The third game is all mine. However, we still have time to play. We rush to play the fourth, after 4 rounds, we run out of time and Sophea is winning. Thus, no prize for anyone as we're both even. The next stop is swimming. This is in the same building as the bowling alley. It's actually pretty nice, we swim for a few hours, relax, joke, go into the sauna and by the time we finish all of this it's 5pm. We return to the river front. We arrive around 5:30pm and agree to ride the boat at 6:30pm. To kill time we walk around the night market for about an hour. We board the boat and have a nice ride along the riverfront as the night is just beginning, the sun is setting behind the clouds above the city. Despite the poor music choice of loud pop music usually confined to bars/clubs, it is still a nice view and good conversation accompanies the ride. We enjoy the ride so much, we choose to do it again, hoping the boat will go a little bit slower. Toward the end of the second ride, the boat begins to play much better music. We have this interesting communicative dialogue all the time, she will speak English and I will speak Khmer. We hit our road bumps, but after encouraging each other to further explain our points, we are always able to convey the meanings we want to get across. It's nothing like I've experienced before and it's been like this since we first met. It's a challenge at times, but it's always exciting and I constantly learn with her and from her. The night continues on the boat, Sophea and I exchange games we played growing up. Interestingly enough, Sophea played games similar to duck duck goose, hide and seek and tag. Though of course with slight variations in Cambodia. We also discuss Sophea's singing ability as I try to get her to sing along with some of the songs the boat plays, but she doesn't know them. She explains to me that when she sings, she closes her eyes and she knows all of the words and knows the notes like the back of her hand, no need to glance at the lyrics. This is the same Sophea that I remember seeing two years ago, spending our last night together, singing karaoke. Her voice, a gift from the heavens, but one that I will have to wait to listen to because Borey and no other friends are available for karaoke. Thus, it's getting toward the end of the night, but we both feel a little hungry, we grab another salad along with some fresh cut salmon. The food is really good and perfect for our appetites. Sophea drops me off and we agree to meet Sunday morning.

I wake up, get ready and am happy because saturday I bought a bus ticket and know I won't have to leave Phnom Penh until 8:30pm. It's now 7:50am, I decide to go grab some things from a convenience store for the day. As I'm walking out I say hello to the owner, and he looks at me quizically. He tells me my bus is at 8. I say yes, at night. He looks at me confused, and I speak English to him, he tells me it's at 8am, not pm. Distraught, I run back to my room to finish packing and call Sophea to let her know the bad news. She's already on her way, thankfully. I hurry and write a note for her in Khmer. I bought her a gift the previous day and was planning on sneakily leaving money in her purse for my first night at the hotel. Instead I have to place it in with her gift. I do so, and Sophea arrives. I feel bad, she's dressed in a beautiful purple dress and now we have to say our byes until my next visit. However, this is much more of a positive "I'll see you soon." I give her the gift on my way out to the bus. I walk away knowing there's a smile on her face.

Somnang 4 - Sophea is not working at all during the month of September, she will begin teaching in October.

Somnang 5 - I'm here at this time.

Riverfront of the Tonle Bassac