TakeOff

 It’s 12:48am. I’m tired, dead, beat, running on the last vestiges of energy. I’m all mixed and confused, excited, worried, frustrated, sleepy, basically imagine all emotions possible and mix them into a bowl. That’s what’s going on in this exhausted brain. I can’t wait to touch my foot on the soil of Vietnam. Ahead of me I have a 13 hour flight to Taiepei, Taiwan. Then a 3 hour layover and a 3 hour 20 minute flight to HCMC. I’ll be arriving at 11:20am assuming everything is on time. I’m very happy I’ll be arriving during the day rather than at night. Hopefully I’ll feel refreshed after some sleep and ready to have a day of finding all of the schools and preparing my CV and Cover Letter.

Leaving today has been a bit of a struggle. I could have easily dove into the depths of despair with each goodbye, experiencing the undertow of future missed opportunities with family and friends. I could have cried, choked up, and delved into what I can put into no other way than ‘weakness’ (though I do not intend to say expressing emotion is a weakness). However, today I stayed strong, I had to. If I didn’t it would have led to a bad start. I had to have the heart of stone, the guardian of the heart had to be on post. He couldn’t have done a better job, the chainmail was unpenetrable, immaculate in its immunity. Nothing could touch it, and that’s exactly how it had to be.

Last night, talking with my good friend Marion, we went to our arsenals of philosophy. The conversations flowed like an ebbing of webs, connections all throughout and sporadic at times, yet seemingly well planned. One of the topics was that of saying a goodbye to someone. He explained his thought how it’s a very delicate situation. That, he/she wants to encourage the other and be proud of the other for their next journey, but simultaneously experiences the deep pain of a loved one departing. He explained the difficulty of conveying the contrasting emotions. It was described in a perfect fashion, that he/she must clearly detail the longing for the future yet also the excitement for it simultaneously. I wish I could recall word for word what was said, however, my memory is lacking.

I have to say, in the end, I see this not as a goodbye, but as a see you later. It's not forever, despite what some family members, or Ugh cough,, Mom, speculate.

It’s time for takeoff, further thoughts will have to wait.