Lately I've been thinking more about the family, friends, and things I will leave behind when I depart. Tonight I had dinner with my Dad, it was a guy's night. My step-mother is out of town and comes back Monday. It's interesting living here with them because although I am here, I only see them about 2 nights out of the week and usually about 5 mornings for about 10 minutes. This is due to my irregular work schedule and now I am attending classes which continues to minimize my time spent with them. Returning to tonight, my Dad told me a story about an old friend of his. I have to admit, when he first began telling the story, I became as excited as a toddler receiving the major gift he asked for Christmas. I felt like a small child all over again, waiting to hear a bed time story. Though now older, and not wanting bed time stories, it was invigorating to feel so excited to hear a story and to also be told one by my Dad. These moments are precious and few these days which I imagine as time goes on this will only continue to a greater degree.
This week I've been thinking about how my family members will feel when I leave. I know I will miss my family without a doubt and vice versa. I also wonder however, whether there will be contempt felt by a few. If they think I'm selfish as time goes on since this is an individualized endeavor. This plan does also include an eventual plan to assist others in not only language but in other means, so it is not, itself, an entirely selfish endeavor. Furthermore, the question of how I will handle being away from family for so long has gone under much more scrutiny than I planned. Before I thought, eh, I've been away for college and I've been out of the country before for two months. It shouldn't be a BIG deal, I can handle this. Then comes the thoughts about the holidays that will be missed, the birthdays, going to the gym with my brother, seeing friends on the weekends, and having the ability to call anyone at any time which is convenient for the both of us. I'm not worried about the culture shock, food, language barriers, transitioning, transportation, visa, all of that will work out. It's just the people that I am having trouble imagining not seeing for at least a year if not more and the times I will miss with them.
The good thing is I will have friends just one country away, one bus ride away from where I will live. That and skype is cheap for phone calls. Perhaps it won't be as bad as I am thinking it can be at the moment. Like I've said before, I didn't think this would be too much of a problem for me, but being the youngest and realizing that my whole family is all grown up now, it's hard sometimes to accept it. Two siblings, all nieces and one nephew are out of state already, one sister and nephew is about 1.5 hours drive away, leaving only a brother, sister, and my parents left in SD as well as grandparents. It's crazy to imagine living back in my mother's home with all six of us siblings. Then switching homes every week for about 12-14 years with my brother, living out of a bag. All the good times spent with the Majestic crew in high school and community college. Finally going away to college and putting clothes in the drawer with at least the idea of some sort of permanence. Returning to San Diego to live with my Dad and here I am, once again, getting ready to go somewhere else. Life goes on I guess. Change is the only constant in life as my friend Wingo likes to say. I have to admit in that, Wingo, you're most definitely correct.
Despite all the above stated feelings, I think things are going to turn out pretty good. I am going to buy a new laptop before I leave and will create a skype account. While I know it won't be an every Sunday occasion where I call every family member, I do intend to call family and friends as much as I can. I hope at least a few people will come visit me, I know thus far my Dad and Step-mother will and likely one of my sisters too. That's one trip I cannot wait to have. For them to see the things that interest me and grabbed my attention 4 years ago and changed the direction of my life, I cannot wait to share that with them.
I've been listening to Florence & The Machine's song, Dog Days Are Over. Though the song is more about a love interest, part of the song says "Leave all your love and longing behind, You can't carry it with you if you want to survive." While I very much enjoy this song, I know I will be longing for family, but I definitely won't leave it behind. It will be right there with me, and I am ready for it.
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